Dependency Rules…..not ok!

Dependency Rules…..not ok!

Few of us realise it, but our lives are dominated by dependency.
We come into this world dependent on our parents. Becoming independent is our transition into adulthood. Many people sadly never make it, as we tend to transfer our dependency to something or someone else.
The worse form of dependency, we think, is drug addiction or alcoholism. We selfishly see only the negative effects: homelessness, dirty, on the street, no teeth, robbery, prison…..and we judge. We do not seek to understand. At best we sympathise, but few of us empathise.
There is nothing good about addiction, except that when and addict reaches rock bottom and decides to do something about it that is the point at which he transits from dependency to freedom. Addicts in recovery understand this process and as a result are some of the most emotionally aware people.
The freedom that the addict in recovery has gained is the equivalent of the freedom gained by people who start their own business. They also have removed themselves from a dependent environment (of a job, perhaps with a controlling manager) and chosen a riskier environment where they make their own choices….freedom.
Most of us never notice our own dependencies as they are more subtle than addiction. Dependency gives us an alternative to feeling our emotions. Shopping, golf, tv are all forms of dependency which divert us from real life, and thus control us. Little Boxes by Pete Seger. We see it at work as well. Managers tell us what to do and by doing so make us dependent; we ask a manager what to do for fear of error and thus make ourselves dependent.
Unlike addicts and alcoholics the subtler forms of dependency will not kill us, so we rarely learn to deal with them, and we lead bland lives as a result.
There is comfort in dependency, and so choosing freedom is never the easy path. It takes courage. We have to be prepared to feel our emotions….good and bad….fear and excitement. Emotions can hurt and they can exhilarate.
Noticing dependency in its many forms is incredibly important. Are you dependent on one main customer or supplier? Do you feel as though you have to do what they tell you? How can you free your team so that they are not dependent on you? We need to constantly watch for and eliminate dependency around us.
It makes us feel weak, and vulnerable to talk about our emotions and our need for freedom. And yet it is this point of weakness that gives us the strength.
Honesty is a great mechanism to help through this complicated process. The ability to talk about your feelings with people you trust, and the ability to listen. Good networking and good mentoring help.
Be careful of what you hold on to. Be unafraid of giving away your control or power. Look out for the next opportunity. Accept challenges. Do not fear failure.

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